Returning to the mountains: I am new.

F1000006The last time I was in British Columbia my heart was breaking. I’d like to think I was a victim, but I made some pretty poor choices to get me to that place. No healthy boundaries, unrealistic expectations, and I just couldn’t let go.

Once you say “I love you” for the first time, in the same moment that guy is breaking up with you – yup it’s pretty much all downhill from there.

Providence was good to me and 2 weeks later I was packing my bags and on a plane headed for the west coast. I was angry, devastated, and heartbroken. Standing on a beach on Vancouver Island, looking at mountains was healing. I needed the silence and the distraction. The blossoming of new friendships, and the reminders of who I really was. I needed perspective, and clarity. I held my ground. 5 weeks passed, and then I was headed home.

The real work of healing my heart would last for another 7 months until I boarded another plane for India. That time for 4 months. Wow my life has had it’s fair share of drama. I’m really glad that chapter is closed. Not the India part – that was the best.

In a month I return to those same mountains, but a completely different person. 5 years has passed and my life has been dramatically transformed. I return still feeling like the girl who doesn’t know where her life is headed. But solid in where I’ve been and who I am. I know how to say “no” to unhealthy people. To fight for the relationships that truly matter. I’m learning how to pick my battles. Growing as a leader, yet desperately still needing guidance on how to love and serve others.

The heartbreak that once filled my life doesn’t exist anymore. My life is full, pleasant, and not boring. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t crave the rush or thrill of first love again. But I’m not desperate for it. Nope. Content with where I am, and hopeful with where I’m headed.

I return to those mountains with excitement, instead of grief. Passion, instead of sorrow. I feel like I’ve come full circle a little bit. I’m only 24 but perspective is still powerful.

Mountains, I can’t wait to see you again. See you in 35 days.

Erinblack

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2 thoughts on “Returning to the mountains: I am new.

  1. I am reminded of the song Lynda Randall sings about “God of the mountains is still God of the valleys.” I trust your time in the mountains will be refreshing.

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